3 Things I Learned About Love In 3 Years
As another anniversary comes and goes I can’t help but reflect on the journey we’ve taken as a couple and as individuals. Three years ago I thought we’d definitely have it all figured it out by now- but every day has proven to be something new for us. Together we shared thousands of laughs, smiles, tears, stories, memories, experiences, highs and lows. Our relationship has evolved in ways that I never even considered. As each moment passes- our life together builds stronger. There was no easy or perfect path to get where we are now, but our love remains a testament to the ideals of commitment through better or worse.
I have no expert opinion to share or definite answer on how to make a relationship work but I have my own personal experience that I believe has carried us through. There are endless lessons I learned but these are the 3 things in 3 years that stand out the most.
1. Forgive Often
Not a single thing is perfect in this world. That, to me, is the beauty of it all. People, especially, are destined- in fact – built to make mistakes. Those mistakes help us grow, learn, and understand the complexity of the world around us. And if you haven’t already figured it out, mistakes are life long. You made them then, you’re making them now, and you’ll make them in the future. But you aren’t your mistakes- you’re the reaction, response and person you choose to become through those mistakes. You’re going to have faults and so are the people around you. That includes the people you love most. They always say it’s the ones we love and who love us that disappoint or hurt us the most. Why? Because we have expectations, trust and faith in them. We love, admire and count on them. And just so you know- that’s how it should be.
Forgiving one another is apart of growing together. There isn’t enough time in our short lives to spend it wishing a moment or a decision back. If you truly love someone your heart will compel you to reconcile. Lasting relationships are committed to endurance, accountability and respect along with so many other things- including effort. No relationship will last if you easily give up on someone when things are hard. There are storms and obstacles all us will face as partners and individuals. Your loyalty to one another doesn’t start and stop with the good things. Be committed to love one another through flaws, faults, and fears. Be quick to apologize and forgive often.
2. Sacrifice Equally
This isn’t black and white. Making sacrifices and asking someone to make sacrifices for you are scary, complicated and hard as hell. A strong relationship, more than anything else, is give and take. At least for us it has been. We don’t have a simple life (I’m sure no one really does). Our situation comes with factors that leave both of us between a rock and a hard place. We certainly do our best but it doesn’t come without challenges. I’ve had to make sacrifices I never even dreamed about. And he’s had to make equal sacrifices because of the ones I’ve made for him.
That isn’t to say your relationship should come at the cost of everything you have/want. Nor should it require you to be anything other than who you are or want to be. Some days/weeks/months you may feel like you’re only giving, but remember that there may have been a time when you were only taking. Communicate with one another and be honest about what you both desire. Work together to understand and appreciate yours and your partner’s happiness.
Be selfless and selfish. Sacrifice equally.
3. Put your friendship first
If your partner isn’t your best friend- your partner isn’t the one. Period. A relationship meant to withstand time, circumstances and the complexity of life should be shared with someone that will be willing to endure it all with and for you. Someone you’re also willing to stand by- through thick and thin. Because lust, infatuation- those things aren’t realistic every single day.
The person you decide to wake up to for the rest of your life should be the person that knows your secrets and chooses you anyway. The person that you sit with comfortably in silence, knows your words when you can’t find them yourself, challenges you to be better, and someone you don’t mind fighting with. Be with the person that inspires you to do things you never imagined, reminds you through their actions and words that you’re the most important person in their world, throws all doubt on your insecurities, loves you in spite of your shortcomings and spends every day protecting your heart.
Be best friends first and a couple second.
To Christian: Thank you for showing me understanding. Thank you for me showing me friendship. Most of all thank you for being who you are and loving me just the way I am.
Xx RR
