Two takeaways from Two

 

If the speed of the last three years is any indication for the rest of Aliyah’s childhood, we should probably start bracing ourselves for graduation tomorrow.

If the speed of the last three years is any indication for the rest of Aliyah’s childhood, we should probably start bracing ourselves for graduation tomorrow. She went from three months old to three in a blink of an eye. And although this time in our lives has been a roller coaster to say the least, I’m going to miss the first holidays, words, steps, and all the other first time experiences you wish you could have on replay over and over.

I was so terrified the first time I met Aliyah. There were so many emotions, unknowns and “what ifs” that crossed my mind in the seconds to minutes I first laid eyes on her. I didn’t know how to change a diaper let alone hold a baby. What if she didn’t like me? What if she started crying when I picked her up? Will I be good at this? What does “this” even mean? My brain was working in overdrive but my natural instincts washed all the worries away. In those first few moments together, the only thing I knew for sure was that I was already in love. I made a commitment to Aliyah, her dad and to myself that day, that regardless of circumstance or change- I would promise to always do right by her. I didn’t know then that the role of “Dad’s girlfriend” would carry so much importance, but it has without a doubt become the greatest part of my life. I feel like she has taught me tenfold what I have been able to teach her. The choices I make, the people I surround myself with, and the values I keep closest to my heart are all with her in mind.

The “terrible twos” were actually, for us, mostly the opposite. Aliyah is sweet, silly, full of energy and extremely happy. She dances around the living room, runs around the yard chasing her own bubbles, gives hundreds of hugs and kisses throughout the day and is always up for an adventure. But true to its name, age two did come with unavoidable tantrums, small hiccups and challenging incidents. I consider myself to be a fairly patient person. Turns out I have room for improvement in that area. I pictured myself reading her books until she dozed off but I didn’t anticipate all the small distractions she could come up with to avoid turning the lights off. Bath time sounded like a fun time but then I did bath time and it’s actually not that fun of a time (Luckily Christian enjoys it so I frequently pass that responsibility onto him). The things I thought were important don’t seem that important anymore. The things I didn’t think matter, actually do. The terrible twos brought me… us… a handful of lessons but there are two that stand out the most.

They Will Need Timeouts…And So Will You

Two year olds are finally learning to find their own voice but still haven’t sorted out how to effectively use it. One second everything is great. The next they have a full-fledged breakdown complete with out of control stomping, body flops to the ground and literal sobs. The two’s come with hands on the hips, arms folded, infinite “No’s”, fake whining, real whining and sassy comebacks for DAYS. They’ll test the waters to see how far they can go before someone gives them a reaction. They’ll break rules and attempt to make their own. Curiosity leads to unpredictable behavior and while their brain is developing at a rapid speed the rest of their body is just trying to keep pace.

The two’s come with hands on the hips, arms folded, infinite “No’s”, fake whining, real whining and sassy comebacks for DAYS.

*Enter timeouts*

Every parent is different and I am certain there are some who don’t believe in timeouts. And to that I say “different strokes for different folks”. I’m not here to judge someone else’s adoptions or force my own opinions onto another. But I will say that I don’t view timeouts as a negative thing and that’s why timeouts work in OUR house. Timeouts aren’t necessarily about punishment as much as they are opportunities to decompress. The second half of two is a steady increase in the amount of dramatic sighs, backtalk and negotiations. They are smart, sneaky and persistent. Toddlers are go go go until they fall down. Literally. Their vocabulary expands day by day, learning words or phrases with every new conversation they engage in. Sometimes too much is overwhelming. And the thing they need most is a few seconds to SLOW DOWN. We notice a huge difference in Aliyah’s attitude, actions and overall mood after she has a timeout. She takes more time to consider what we are saying or asking. She will use her manners without prompting, share toys or food without pushback, and although she never stops moving, she’s more in tune with her surroundings. We don’t have to ask twice and if we are really lucky we don’t have to ask at all.

But here’s the thing. Kids react to your reactions. They say what you say. They do what you do. So when things get crazy- ask yourself “Are my own feelings in check?” Has your patience reached an end? Are you distracted by something else that you’re not in that moment with them? Have you put the phone down recently? Are you angry or upset with someone or something? Do you practice what you preach? Sometimes parents need a “timeout” just as much as a child. There are days when nothing seems to go right. There are moments that you should be enjoying but can’t because you’re stressed, distracted or exhausted. There are even times where you’re all of the above. Go sit down or walk to a different room. Count to ten. Take a few deep breaths. Turn your phone off. Make mental lists of the positive things in your life. Forgive whomever you need to. Forget whatever you need to. Take a “timeout” and don’t get up until your attitude is the type of attitude you want to reflect. Give yourself that well deserved break so you can be the best you can be for your children.

Forgive whomever you need to. Forget whatever you need to.

Do Not Take Anything Personal

There’s not much to this one. Toddlers and kids are going to do and say things that hurt. All of their frustration, fear, anger and confusion will be bounced off of you. The words and behavior will catch you off guard, make you mad and possibly crush your soul. But they don’t mean it. And you shouldn’t let it consume you. This is an age where they are discovering boundaries. Looking for the do’s and don’t of this world. What can they get away with? What can they say? What can’t they say? Are they allowed to do this or that? All of these questions get answered through trialed behavior and conversation. They are looking to you for that line in the sand. They are looking to you for consistency. And if you take every little thing to heart, you’ll only feel guilty and defeated. The reason they test your limits isn’t because they don’t love you but because they do. They tip toe to the edge of wrong because even when they go too far, you’ll be there to love them anyway. They trust you. They count on you. Because as parents you will guide them, teach them and build a foundation for them. So don’t take anything personal. Just Let It Go.

But they don’t mean it.

Xx RR