That Day I Landed in Georgia

My alarm went off and I started to get dressed. A million things were running through my mind and my heart was beating out of my chest because the nerves were at an all time high.

I woke Christian up to say goodbye and as I kissed his lips I thanked God it was still dark out because I didn’t want him to see the tears building. Saying “I love you” took all the air I had. I could feel my voice shaking and my lungs closing.

I took a deep breath and started the car and went through my mental checklist to ensure I had everything I needed. Wallet, license, bags, and charger were all in the back seat. Am I positive I packed my charger? Yes, I packed two. Do I have my hat? Oh right it’s on my head already. With one last look at the bedroom window I drove off and settled in for the week ahead of me.

Solidarity if something I am familiar with and most of the time something I am comfortable with. But this was a different kind of loneliness that I wasn’t truly prepared for. I picked the window seat like I always do, and watched the sun rise over the walls of the building. I’ve never been on a plane without someone I love next to me.I told Christian I was taking off, turned my phone on airplane mode, and closed my eyes as I listened to music. There was no turning back. The fear and uncertainty didn’t really matter anymore. I was doing this whether I was ready or not. Even if I tried to change my mind, I was already thousands of miles above.

Every person that I made eye contact with felt like someone looking into my soul. I would put my head down wherever I walked, afraid someone would figure out that I was on my own. Almost as if I was hiding some secret. The world is scary even if we don’t like to admit it. Before I left I picked someone to follow my location through my phone 24/7 in case something happened. I wrote a letter to Christian and left it in my side table in the event I never returned home. That might sound dramatic and morbid to some, but weird, crazy and awful things happen every single day… and you never think it will happen to you or someone you love.. until it does.

The only thing I kept telling myself is that when I got in the rental car I would feel relief. No one else around me, free to go wherever I want, and at whatever pace I needed. The guy who checked my car reservations asked too many questions. Why was I there? Was I there for business or leisure? Was I alone or meeting someone? He meant well, I’m sure, but my face was turning red and my chest was burning. So I lied. I made a story up. I don’t remember what I said or why I did it, but it made me feel better. No one knew me. No one knew my story. And I wanted to keep it that way.

The first place I arrived was Sweetwater Creek State Park right outside of Atlanta, Georgia. As I started along the trail, I began to finally “Let Go and Let God.” The worries weren’t weighing me down as much and with each step I felt closer to peace than I had in a really long time. I felt strong, brave, and confident. My feet seemed lighter and all the control I thought I needed over my situation, washed away until I had this immense feeling of freedom.

I sat down on a bench in front of these abandoned ruins. I took pictures, listened to Pandora, looked around at nature, and for a few moments didn’t think about anything. One thing I did that I haven’t done in a really long time? I danced. For no good reason at all. By myself in the middle of nowhere. No one around. There was no rush to be somewhere. The sun was right above me so I knew I had hours of daylight ahead. I walked along the water and looked for skipping rocks. I jumped on and off boulders and climbed a tree. I took my time going back to the car. Crossed a few wooden bridges. Stopped to read some graffiti and carved messages in the trees. When I finally reached the open parking lot I wanted to turn around and do it again.

I just landed in Georgia and I was suddenly off to Tennessee. Just like that. The adventure was only just starting and I felt like my life had already changed. In only one day I felt dozens of emotions. All different and all important. Each moment was new and exciting but also scary and overwhelming. When people ask me how I had the guts to travel somewhere alone, I tell them I didn’t have the guts. But I also didn’t give myself a choice. I envy people who go places alone, without question or thinking too hard about it. I long to see the world in a thousand different ways on a thousand different days. But seeing the world without someone standing next to me- it’s a feeling I can’t really describe. And I can’t decide if I love it or hate it.

That day I landed in Georgia is a day I’ll never forget.

P.S. thanks to the random stranger who took my photo. It was weird asking but I’m glad I did it. You the real MVP.

Xx RR