To My Luca Bear

Luca James,

Our Luca Bear, BeLuca whale, Luullaa, buddy, and favorite dude…I’ve got a whole lot on my heart but never the perfect words to share. Your first year flew by for us and was also quite the cloud of chaos. It was nearly impossible for us to see anything further than the day in front of us. There was little to no time to slow down or be totally still together the way we could with A&A. But just like with your sisters, so much changes in a day, a week, and month. Your evolving personality is equal parts sweet and straight up cool. Burned in my memory for a lifetime will be the moment Daddy said “it’s a boy”…

there was instant relief and fear all at once. In the days, hours, & minutes leading up to your entrance I was wishing you had come sooner. To love on you a little longer of course… but…. also because I was severely uncomfortable (which is why you were out in 10 minutes). And yet all the moments after have been a desperate attempt to keep you as tiny as you were that day. Your sisters are so precious to me- and raising girls is so special. But just like Daddys and daughters, a mother loves her son in different and indescribable ways.

Some I found out the second they placed you on me, others over time, & then there are the ways I haven’t yet discovered. In choosing me to be your Mama, God filled the hole in my heart for the little boy I always dreamed of having. You’ve far exceeded those dreams, bringing an immeasurable amount of happiness into our family & into this world. You’ll have far more bumps on your head, stained and worn (questionable gender neutral) hand me downs, long hairs stuck in all the places, girl drama echoing throughout the house, and naturally less photos of each milestone (3rd child problems).

But you’ll also feel and know with absolute certainty that you are protected for the rest of your days, spoiled with double the amount love only big sisters can have for their little brother, get away with so much more, and you’ll have endless hands to hold as you navigate the years ahead. I’ve realized that with you I extend far more space to explore and climb (hence the many bumps and bruises)- but I’ve also held on tighter and longer to every cuddle, snuggle, and grip in between because I know you’ll more than likely let go sooner than I’d like.

My wish for you in the year ahead and even the ones that follow is to hold on tight to your one of a kid joy (and your mama too), continue to shine, and maybe learn to push your sisters back a little (might regret this one). I love you Luca James.

Love You Always,

Mama